June 2014 archive

The Danger of Dress Codes

The Danger of Dress Codes--He is Making Everything New

Wearing my sandals and leggings

In my last post viagra 40mg too (unless you have a penis. In that case, shop God made your penis).” href=”http://www.heismakingeverythingnew.com/god-made-my-vagina-and-he-made-yours-too-unless-you-have-a-penis-in-that-case-god-made-your-penis/” target=”_blank”>God Made My Vagina and He Made Yours, anemia Too (Unless You Have a Penis. In that Case, God Made Your Penis), I talked about how Christian modesty culture can really have a damaging effect on how we think about our bodies. This post continues along the same lines but is more specifically focused on the clothing we wear and the existence of dress codes.

About six years ago I was in the middle of a piano lesson with my (very old) piano teacher when she looked down at my flip flops and said, “We had a woman come to our church wearing shoes like that. I pointed it out to my pastor so he could speak to her because that’s just not appropriate to wear at church.”

I sat there dumbfounded. She was upset because a woman wore flip flops to church? So upset to talk to her pastor about telling the woman to wear different shoes? I tried to say that I didn’t think there was anything wrong with wearing flip flops to church (let’s be honest, it’s all I wear during the summer, including what I wear to church) but she remained confident that flip flops should absolutely not be worn at church.

I felt so sad imagining this flip-flop wearing woman visiting this church. Instead of being covered by the love of Christ and accepted by the body, she had people looking at her with disapproving stares because of her choice of shoes. The message she received that Sunday morning was not of the captivating beauty of Jesus and the Gospel of grace and truth, but rather the message, “You are not welcome here with those shoes.”

How ridiculous is that? 

One of the dangers of having a dress code, whether explicitly stated or just implied, is that it can cultivate a self-righteous attitude in those keep the dress code and an attitude of judgment towards those who don’t.

If modesty culture teaches that people who love Jesus don’t wear clothes like short shorts, spaghetti strapped tank tops, leggings, or bikinis, what happens when we see Christians wearing these clothes? We start being able to categorize people into the groups “actually love Jesus” and “clearly don’t follow Jesus” simply by what clothing they choose to wear.

But here’s the thing–there are so many things wrong with this kind of thinking. First of all, there are no clear-cut standards of modesty, Biblical or otherwise. I never would have thought that flip-flops would have been considered immodest or inappropriate. There are Christians today who don’t believe women should wear pants. In many Muslim countries, modesty is covering your head or your entire face. In some tribal cultures, women spend most of their time topless–does that mean that they’re immodest?

And an even deeper reality is that it’s not our job as lovers of Christ to pass judgment on anybody. It’s our job to love people intensely and whole-heartedly. We can’t tell what someone’s relationship with Jesus is like based on their clothing. Jesus said, “The tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you” (Mt 21:31). I’m sure the Pharisees thought that they could tell what sort of relationship these prostitutes had with God just by looking at them and guess what? They were horribly wrong.

A core part of Christianity is that it’s inclusive–everyone is welcome at the table. One of the problems with a dress code is that it can make things exclusive. If your youth group has a dress code, what happens when a new person comes and isn’t following the dress code? Or what about when you want to invite your friend to come to youth group but don’t know how to tell them that they need to change their clothes and so you end up not inviting them? This can lead to the same situation the flip-flop woman was in–instead of the Gospel we promote a shallow religion of rule following and dos and don’ts.

Anyone who has spent any time at all in youth group has heard that guys are “visual beings” and that we need to be careful to not less our “brothers stumble.” I’m not here to attack that thinking, but I do think that we are communicating a message to Christian guys that’s not necessarily helpful. What is often communicated is that guys cannot possibly help themselves when it comes to looking at girls who are dressed in certain types of clothing. Why is this what we’re telling our young Christian men? Instead of telling them that God is the God of the impossible and that we are empowered to live out lives of holiness by the Holy Spirit, we’re telling them that if girls wear bikinis they physically can’t stop lusting? And of course it never seems like guys have any sort of dress code (coming from someone who has seen youth group guys end up in just their boxers out in public on church trips).

If dress codes seem to promote self-righteous attitudes, a culture of judgment and exclusivity, and fails to teach guys to walk out in purity, where does this leave us?

I think that there are a lot of things in the Christian faith that fall along the lines of what Paul was talking about in 1 Corinthians 10:23-24. He writes:

“I have the right to do anything,” you say–but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”–but not everything is constructive. No one should seek their own good, but the good of others.

Paul is talking about whether or not Christians should eat food that has been sacrificed to idols. Paul says that this is ok, because Christians know that there is no god but the Lord. However, even if something is permissible, it might not be beneficial. I believe it’s permissible to wear bikinis and tank tops and all that, but it might not be beneficial. But here’s the thing–I believe we should be empowering young men and women to hear from the Lord and be empowered by the Holy Spirit to make their own life decisions, including the clothing they wear. And I think we have to be ok with the reality that people might come to different conclusions. In Paul’s day, some Christians decided not to eat food sacrificed to idols and some did. Some Christians today believe it’s ok to drink alcohol and some choose not to. I believe that the Lord has given me permission to wear leggings, and yet some people might not feel like they can wear leggings.

I think men and women both need to ask God how they should dress and allow the Holy Spirit to decide for them. Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit and should be treated as such, but what that looks like may differ from person to person. And I think that’s ok. The important thing is that we’re growing in love for each other, sharing the Gospel in word and action, and seeking the good of our brothers and sisters in Christ.

God made my vagina and he made yours, too (unless you have a penis. In that case, God made your penis).

God made my vagina and he made yours, <a href=information pills too (unless you have a penis. In that case, apoplexy God made your penis).” width=”620″ height=”620″ />

Why is it that I felt really uncomfortable writing vagina and penis in the title of my blog post?

Why do I feel like I just swore?

Why am I worried about someone seeing what I just titled this blog post?

If the very name of a body part is enough to make many of us feel dirty, recipe how does that body part itself make us feel? I submit to you that our American culture, and largely our American Christian culture, has distorted our views on our bodies and made us uncomfortable with one of God’s greatest gift to us.

I’m guessing a lot of Christians live life with the feeling (either subconscious or recognized) that their bodies are sinful, especially those body parts that are used for, you know, sex. I think this is probably especially prevalent for women in the church who are constantly told to be modest so as not to “be a stumbling block to their brothers.” I think one of the unintended results of modesty culture is that women have lost ownership of their own bodies because the very existence of our bodies is enough to cause any man we encounter to fall away from Christ. And this leads to a lot of shame.

The reality is that my entire body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. The Spirit that raised Christ from the dead lives and reigns in me, and so my body is to be celebrated and honored. And yet I’ve never been taught that my breasts are part of this beautiful Holy-Spirit filled temple. What I learned in youth group are that my breasts lead guys to sin. If I am taught to view my breasts as objects of sin and lust, how am I supposed to celebrate them and thank God for them? Whether or not it was the intention, I spent several years viewing my breasts as a source of shame.

I don’t think I have ever heard anyone say vagina in a church or youth group setting. In a church setting I’m allowed to say “thank you, God, for creating my nose like you did. I’m thankful for my nose,” but somehow it would be inappropriate to thank God for creating my vagina? Or to even allude to the fact that I own a vagina? Is it a stumbling block to make people think I have a vagina???

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says this:

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies.

How am I supposed to honor God with my body if I think my body is inherently bad? How am I supposed to glorify God with something sinful? How can I thank Him for a body that is a source of shame?

The reality is that Jesus “became flesh and made his dwelling among us” (John 1:14). He became flesh. Jesus has a body. Jesus’ body is a part of his identity. And you know what? I’m guessing that Jesus has a penis. Does that freak you out?

I’ve been taking refuge in Psalm 139 for the past few months and I love the reality that is shared in this beautiful song:

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth your eyes saw my unformed body.

God made your body. He made my body. He knit me together. His eyes were the first to ever see me, His hand was the first to ever caress me, His presence was the first I ever felt. If the morning stars sang together and the angels shouted for joy when God created the earth (Job 38:7), I don’t think it’s far-fetched to imagine that the Lord sang over me when He created me. And just as the Lord was a part of the formation of my lungs, heart, arms, and legs, I have to believe that He took part in creating my breasts and my vagina.

Why do I care what you think about your body parts?

I care because I truly believe that our bodies are to be celebrated. I believe that a core teaching of Christianity is that our bodies are important and that our entire being is created by a loving God for the glory of a loving God. If we feel shame surrounding our bodies, we’re going to feel shame about who we are, because we can’t separate body and spirit–they’re intertwined in a really beautiful way. By living in bodies, we are imitating the beauty of Christ as He lived and moved and had his being here on earth in a tangible, touchable, body.

If you want to learn how to better honor and love your body, a really great exercise you can do is thank God for every part of your body, and name them one by one, without skipping any parts. And if this makes you uncomfortable, it’s probably a good indication that it’s something you should really do.

So God, I thank you for creating me, every part of me. I thank you for creating my breasts and choosing the size they would be. I thank you for creating my stomach and the curve of my hips. I thank you for creating my vagina and all the amazing things it can do–from peeing, to orgasm, to birthing babies. It’s pretty incredible. In Jesus holy and precious name, Amen.

Milk at Home Depot

Milk at Home Depot-- www.heismakingeverythingnew.com

I learned a lot during my short time in an eating disorder treatment program, about it but one of the most important (and hardest) thing I learned about was Milk at Home Depot.

(From googling it seems like the Milk at Home Depot analogy comes from The Anorexia Diaries, which I have not read).

One day I was having individual therapy and my therapist asked if she had told me about Milk at Home Depot. I said no and she told me that I should ask one of the other girls in the program about it. A little while later I saw that girl before group therapy started and told her I was supposed to ask about it. So she told me what Milk at Home Depot means.

“Imagine you’re in Home Depot and walking up and down the aisles looking for milk but you can’t find any. You keep pacing the same aisles but you still don’t see it so you ask someone who works at the store and they tell you that they don’t have milk. So you get really upset and demand to speak to a manager and you get angry and won’t leave the store until you get your milk.

Milk represents what you need to live, it feeds you and provides sustenance and support. Home Depot might represent your home or wherever else it is that you’re trying to get milk. Unfortunately, no matter how hard you try, you will not get milk at Home Depot because they just can’t provide it. Once you realize that, it frees you to leave the store and go to, say, Kroger to buy milk. And once you have milk from Kroger you can go back to Home Depot and enjoy what it does have to offer. I mean Home Depot is great, they have paint and shutters and construction supplies–they just don’t have milk.”

When I heard this, something inside me broke and I just started crying and crying. With this analogy came the realization that I had been trying to get Milk at Home Depot for a very long time and that no matter how long I stayed in those aisles, no matter how much I asked and persisted, it wasn’t going to happen. And that reality was heart-breaking.

The first thing you have to do if you realize you, too, have been trying to get milk at Home Depot is to mourn. The fact is that Home Depot very well should be providing you with the milk you need–there are competent people who work there, who probably love you very much, and the realization that you’re not going to get milk is something that deserves to be mourned.

The next step is to muster up the courage to walk out of the Home Depot doors and go find a Kroger. It’s a scary thing to do, and it can feel like giving up, but it’s really your best chance to finally get the milk you’ve so been needing.

After you get your milk from Kroger, it’s time to go back to Home Depot and fall in love with all the amazing things that Home Depot has to offer–there’s a lot of wonderful things there and you’ll be able to see them and appreciate them in a way that you couldn’t before when you kept searching for milk.

I think a lot of our relationships are often strained because we keep looking for milk in places that don’t offer it. A specific relationship might be able to give you what you need for one season or in one area of your life and then it can’t for the next season.

I believe that God is ultimately the only one who can provide sustaining and overflowing milk that never runs dry. He is the one we need, the one who will give you the desires of your heart (Ps 37:4). But he also places the lonely into families (Ps 68:6) and desires us to live life in communities, in churches, with friends, who all help give us the love and support we need.

If you are in a relationship right now where you’re not getting the milk you need, I encourage you to find refuge in your heavenly Father. He loves you and so desires to provide for you. He will also help you find a place where you can get what you need. I promise you, finding a Kroger really isn’t as scary as it seems and falling in love with Home Depot again is such a beautiful experience.

Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. -Isaiah 55:1